My Psyche

Two words crammed into myself,

 I have been telling them for a long time to everyone who knows me and who knows me

 She chose to write this post here because I sure will find people who understand me or share my experience with me

 I am a hereditary obese patient and my long life suffers from obesity

 My body is capable of being smothered from the air and this is its nature. Our Lord created me like that

 It is not a defect in me, nor in my character

 I have lived all my life in attempts to lose myself by doing my diet and by playing the sport I did my first diet while I was at the beginning of my life and going to the gym from when I have 12 years

 My age has not reached the ideal body from the point of view of people

 But, praise be to God, my health, the nature of my food, and my body are stronger and healthier than many people who have lived their fine long lives

 It does not mean that my appearance is betraying that I am a miserable person, not weak, nor should I be depressed and upset about betraying me like many people, Shivani (or they convince me that I must be like that)

 How do you not upset him that you are cheating on him? You are definitely in denial

 I was supposed to bury myself with life, I mean, I don’t understand him 

 I hear ridiculous words from many people for the purpose of advice (even though I did not know):

 You don’t think about losing

 You are beautiful, but oh peace if you lose

 If you lose all of your problems, you will be solved and you will live your life and go

 You did not have a will, and Omar did not have a will

 You don’t make a gag. I’m honestly say that you’ll know how to lose

 Guess what?

 I did not know that I was betraying him I seek your precious notes and advice 

 I am sure, I think I am licked and myself is lost, but my life does not stand for that, nor do I have a locked personality, the atmosphere of my treacherous body and this atmosphere 

 Praise be to God, I live my life with my identity and my personality, I love myself and I love my looks

 I got married and left behind twice and betrayed more than a long time, and I try to lose my heart and go back again. I try to lose my normal life.

 I want to lose because of myself, not because of what people say, and I don’t need to prove the need for anyone

 They are invalid, control people and surround them in molds, because not all people are like each other, their experience is different from the other, and I will not allow anyone to dictate what I should feel and how I live.

 Enough judgments, insects and bullying in the form of advice

اعجبني حديثها

 كلمتين محشورين في زوري نفسي اقولهم من زمان لكل اللي يعرفني و ما يعرفنيش

اختارت اكتب ده هنا لان اكيد هلاقي ناس تفهمني او بيمروا بنفس تجربتي 

انا مريضة سمنه وراثية و طول عمري باعاني من السمنه 

جسمي قابل للتخن من الهوا و دي طبيعته ربنا خلقني كده 

مش عيب فيا ولا في شخصيتي 

عايشه طول حياتي في محاولات اني اخس باعمل دايت و بالعب رياضه اول دايت عملته وانا في تانيه ابتدائي و باروح الجيم من وانا عندي ١٢ سنه 

عمري ما وصلت للجسم المثالي من وجهة نظر الناس 

بس الحمد لله صحتي و طبيعة اكلي و جسمي أقوى و أصح من ناس كتير عاشوا طول حياتهم رفيعين 

مش معنى اني شكلي تخين اني شخصية بائسه و لا ضعيفه ولا المفروض اكون مكتئبه و متضايقه من تخني زي ما ناس كتير شيفاني (او بيقنعوني اني لازم اكون كده) 

انت ازاي مش زعلانه انك تخينه انت اكيد في حالة انكار 

المفروض ادفن نفسي بالحياه يعني مش فاهمه 

باسمع كلام سخيف من ناس كتير بغرض النصيحه (مع اني ماشتكتش) :

انت ما بتفكريش تخسي

انت جميله بس يا سلام لو تخسي 

انت لو خسيتي كل مشاكلك هاتتحل و هاتعيشي حياتك و تنطلقي 

انت ما عندكيش ارادة و عمر ما كان عندك ارادة

ما بتفركيش تعملي تكميم اصل بصراحه عمرك ما هاتعرفي تخسي 

Guess what

ما كنتش اعرف اني تخينه  مستنيه ملحوظاتكم و نصايحكم الغالية  

انا اه اكيد بافكر اخس و نفسي اخس بس حياتي مش واقفه على كده ولا عندي شخصيه محبوسه جو جسمي التخين و الجو ده

الحمد لله عايشه حياتي بهويتي و بشخصيتي و باحب نفسي و باحب شكلي 

اتجوزت و خلفت مرتين و تخنت اكتر من زمان و باحاول اخس و ارجع اتخن تاني و ارجع احاول اخس عادي ما عنديش مشكله و ماعتقدش ان ده المفروض يضايق حد او يشغل بال حد غيري طالما ماشتكتش 

عايزه اخس عشان نفسي مش عشان كلام الناس و مش محتاجه اثبت حاجه لحد 

بطلوا تحكموا عالناس و تحطوهم في قوالب لان مش كل الناس زي بعض كل واحد تجربته مختلفه عن التاني و مش هاسمح لحد يملي عليا المفروض احس بإيه و اعيش ازاي.

كفايه أحكام وحشرية و تنمر متجمل في شكل نصيحة